Spongebob goes to Ramallah. It’s all my fault.
A year ago, I decided to fire Spongebob Squarepants from his job hanging out on my former sidebar logo. It was a difficult decision, as he had been an honored member of the team for many years. I even protected him from a fatwa on his life. But it was a decisionI felt I had to make, and when you run the world, sometimes you have to make difficult decisions.
Soon after, I awkwardly ran into Spongebob as he was panhandling on the Las Vegas Strip. However, I pulled a few strings in the smoky backrooms of Elders Central and got him a good gig at Sabra Hummus, the hummus that Israel haters love to hate.
I didn’t keep in touch since then, assuming that he was as happy as ever, but then I was stunned to read this story:
SpongeBob SquarePants fans alert! A real life version of the Krusty Krab, the iconic fastfood restaurant that SpongeBob works at in the Nickalodeon cartoon is set to open up in Ramallah, on the West Bank in Palestine.
The family restaurant has been designed to be an exact replica of Mr Krabs’ establishment in Bikini Bottom, from the fixtures outside the building to the Krabby Patty burgers on the menu.
(The Facebook page for the restaurant is here.)
Poor Spongebob! He was apparently so furious with me that he decided to defect! And I couldn’t tell because of that damned smile of his!
On the other hand, I always knew there was something fishy about him…
It seems doubtful that the restaurant has permission from Nickelodeon to build this, so if I really need to, I can always pull some Hollywood and legal strings to take care of this. (I of course have the military option too, but the IDF doesn’t like when I ask them to bomb non-terrorist targets.)